No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
