May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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