I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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