in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
