My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
