if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
