We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
