PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
