Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
