Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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