So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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