Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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