she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
