Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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