She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's always time for handjobs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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