i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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