may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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