I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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