My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
