It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
