Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
