do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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