Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
