You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
