well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
