I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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