He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
