I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
