he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
