i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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