Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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