I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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