the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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