i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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