I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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