She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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