Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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