i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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