We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
