It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
