My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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