Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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