Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
