youre lurking in front of me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
