Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
