I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
