He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
