well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
