I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
