Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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