I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
