There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
