Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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