I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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