There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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