yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
