handjob tips. give me some.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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