i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
