I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
