also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
