I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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